1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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