Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
