woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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