He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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