he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She even gives head with a lisp.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
