I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
