Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
