i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
