Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
