Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
