Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
