i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize