Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
