no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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