Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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