I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
