So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dick very happy bro
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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