I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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