Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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