The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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