Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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