Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
