I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
