Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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