Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
