"it" just moved
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
