super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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