Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
