Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
