the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
