If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
