Quick, to the slutcave!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
