so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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