I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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