dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
