i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
