Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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