I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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