i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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