He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
