Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
