If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
