I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize