Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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