im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
