its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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