Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize