You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
