No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
