I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
