All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
