I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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