Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hand turned me down
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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