i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize