he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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