Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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