She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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