When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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