So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
