I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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