oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
