Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
