Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize