Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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