i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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