remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
MIDGETS
????
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
