Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
