Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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