Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just puked most of my soul out..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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