I hate your face
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
