your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
