We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
