You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
