Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
