I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
