Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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